Submerge
by radiant-shades
Summary: Post-Mockingjay & Pre-Epilogue - They grew distant. Neither Katniss, nor Peeta had seen each other in a month. But when certain secret is slipped, they're forced to face their inner demons and to once again unite as one -Between Katniss and Peeta in Peeta's point of view. Will be fluffy - Sorry, I'm really bad at summaries and this is my first story. Please review!
1. 1 - An Arrow Through the Eye

**A/N: Hi! This is my first story, and I'd really appreciate if you'd review (: **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing at all**

It had been almost a month since I saw Katniss. Almost a month since I studied the grey eyes I loved so much, and almost a month since she tried to convince me of what was true and what wasn't. And even though the days still pass with venom induced flashbacks, the false ones have begun to carry surreal qualities. Such as a mix of colors, or a switching of roles. It makes it easier to differentiate between everything, and now, when I have one of my breakdowns, I can hear a voice in the back of my head. It usually tells me that this isn't real, and that it's the Capitol's lies going on inside of me. But sometimes it screams that I love Katniss... And other times, it screams that she loves me too.

I was startled by the knock on my door. It was Haymitch- the drunk that saved my life countless times. Today he seemed at least mildly sober, which was good.

"Peeta. Just the baker I wanted to see," he stated, pushing me out of the way and sitting on the couch.

"The baker...?" I asked. His eyes met mine expectantly and I let out a sigh. "Okay Haymitch. What do you want?"

This seemed to elicit a smile (or at least a smirk) from him before he continued. "I was thinking maybe a cake. With a lot of pink. And gold. Don't be afraid to go over the top either."

"You know, if I weren't completely insane, I'd think that this was for a lady," I teased. Haymitch never came to me for anything but liquor, and definitely not for cakes. He wasn't even big on sweets to begin with.

"Why else would I have sobered up?"

"And if I'm supposed to 'go over the top' with pink and gold... She's not from the Capitol, is she?"

"That information is none of your business. I'm the adult here anyway. I don't have to tell you anything."

"Well we're both adults now Haymitch. And the Games are over- you aren't my mentor anymore. Why can't we just be friends?" I asked, smiling. And just then, a miracle happened. Haymitch Abernathy, _the _Haymitch Abernathy, turned red.

"Yeah, yeah whatever kid. Some Capitol people aren't really that bad." He replied, flustered. "Let's just talk about something else, okay?"

I nodded and we began talking about everything that we could think of. Trains, animals, sleeping, flowers... And then he brought up Katniss.

"So where's she at now-a-days?" He asked. I didn't have to question who he was talking about, because I already knew.

"I wish I could tell you. She came by one evening about a month ago and took off. Maybe she's at her house, but I can't even put much faith in that. Greasy Sae doesn't talk about her anymore like she used to," I told him. I was surprised to hear sadness break through my voice.

"Yeah well I guess you two don't have to stick together anymore. No more of the star-crossed lovers from District 12."

"Yeah," was all I could say to agree with him.

I liked talking to Haymitch. He was the only one who wasn't careful about hat he said to me. Everyone else seemed to tiptoe around the elephant in the room. The Games, Katniss, and even so much as our old District. But Haymitch just treated me normally, and I respected him for that.

"Well I better get going so you can start on that cake. I'll need it by the day after tomorrow, kid."

I nodded and followed him to the door, where he walked home.

The nightmares visited during my sleep. They usually do, but even still I wake up with tears streaking my cheeks and my lungs gasping for air. Even still, I wake up feeling like a child. Scared, wishing for their mother's comforting hug. Or in my case, Katniss'.

Speaking of Katniss, she was in my dream too. I watched her murder my family (which I know isn't true) and feed their corpses to a pack of wild dogs. I wanted to kill her when I realized that I was next, but something was stopping me. I couldn't use my arms. They were restrained behind my back with a rope. And when I tried to twist around to check, I could feel a noose tighten around my neck.

_Are you, are you, coming to the tree?_

The song found its way into my head.

_Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me._

At that point, I understood the lyrics. I never truly listened to them before... But suddenly, I got it.

And they were worse than any dream I could have.

Clearly, I wasn't going back to sleep. It was 7:00 am already, so I figured it was good to have an early start. I made my way downstairs, and smelled something off.

Something fresh; almost foreign. Then I saw it.

On my counter, there was a squirrel, cleaned and gutted.

With an arrow right through its eyes.

I thought that it would trigger a fit, but it didn't. I just stood there, mouth open, shocked. I knew who shot it, and I also knew who left it here for Greasy Sae to cook for me. That meant that she was here, and that she was okay, and that maybe I could see her soon.

A wave of utter joy crashed over me, along with a feeling that was hard to place at first. _Love._


	2. 2 - Facade

I left the squirrel there until Greasy Sae came over. She didn't bring it up at all, so I figured Katniss had talked to her about it before coming over. Lately, it seemed like everyone knew my secrets before I did.

That afternoon, I decided to muster up my courage to ask Greasy Sae about Katniss. She was another one of the people who dodged pressing topics, afraid to say the wrong thing to me. Sometimes, I could even see a look of pity in her eye as she served my food. It didn't bother me much; it's just human nature to feel bad for a crazy boy with a prosthetic leg who's lost nearly everything he cares about.

"So is this the same thing you made Katniss? I bet she would like this," I said after swallowing a bite. It was a stew with the squirrel from that morning, as well as chopped onions, potatoes, and spices. When he looked back at me, her face said it all. There was a sense of nervousness in her gaze, as well as some pride. But mostly, there was an understanding.

"No, no, Katniss didn't have this. She didn't have another squirrel. She's having some pasta tonight," Greasy Sae told me. She smiled after that. A real smile too- not the polite ones I'd grown used to. So, out of habit, I smiled back.

"Well I know how much she loves your stews. It would be a shame for her not to have any of it. Mind if I take her a bowl?" I asked.

"Yes, here's a bowl. A spoon too. I'm sure she'll appreciate it," she said. After the bombing, Greasy Sae hasn't quite been the same. Her granddaughter was fine (she was in 13 at the time) but it just disturbed her that people would do such a thing. I can't really blame her, either. And I think that's what troubles her most these days. I can't help but wonder if she has nightmares, too.

"Thank you," I reply, taking the bowl, "Feel free to have some yourself." She nodded at me, and I walked out the door. The Victor's Village had remained unscathed by the bombings. I found that very suspicious, but I as nonetheless glad because it gave Greasy Sae, Katniss, Haymitch and me a private place to stay.

Katniss' house was only right across the sidewalk. I suddenly wished that I'd brought my jacket, as it was mid-winter and below freezing, but it wasn't long of a walk at all and I quickly found myself knocking on her door.

After 4 knocks, she answered. I thoroughly expected to see a look of shock on her face. Maybe even anger. But instead, she greeted me with a warm hug and a smile.

I loved seeing her like this. This was the Katniss I tried so hard to remember... The one that the Capitol took away from me. But at that very moment, nothing seemed more real.

"Peeta." She stated. I loved hearing her say my name. It sounded so different- so happy- and I wanted her to say it countless more times.

"Katniss," was all I could manage to say. I wanted to spiel on about how beautiful she looked and how Greasy Sae had treated her well and how worried I was when I hadn't heard from her in a month. But I didn't. My mouth remain curved into a smile, and I let myself take everything in.

Finally I could see her grey eyes. Finally I could be told what was real or not. Finally I could relax, and be comfortable. But not until I was sure that she could too.

"Uh- here," I said, handing her the bowl, "Greasy Sae made it from the squirrel you brought me this morning. It's stew. I thought you might like it, so I brought you a bowl."

"Thank you,"she smiled, still not breaking eye contact. I hadn't seen her this happy in... Well, ever. It actually made me a little suspicious.

"Katniss, are you feeling okay?" I asked. She gave me a puzzled look and nodded before inviting me to sit down with her at the table.

"Sorry, if I'd known you were coming over I would have saved you some pasta." She added.

"Don't worry about it," reassured her, "I already ate."

The rest of the evening revolved around her eating, making small talk, and then us sitting on her couch to watch TV. I wished that I could just freeze that moment. I was completely at ease, and it felt almost like the Games and the rebellion never happened. That was how she made me feel.

_You don't know the effect you have on people._ I wanted to tell her that so badly. I wanted to just scream it so she would understand.

She looked over at me again, and that's when it clicked.

The happiness, the appreciation, the lack of deep conversation. It was all a facade.

Because now I knew- she was afraid of me. That I'd snap at any time and try to kill her. That I'd see the Katniss who the Capitol programmed into me, instead of the one sitting right in front of me with a smile.

She was tiptoeing around me. She was scared of _me. _The boy who too a beating for her so she could eat. The same one that risked everything so that she could survive in the arena not that long ago.

She'd forgotten all those things and now saw only the Peeta who was giver Tracker Jacker Venom to kill her.

I missed her trust. I missed being her safe haven. I missed being her friend.

It felt like we were more distant than before this morning when I found the squirrel, and I hated every minute of it.

The Rebel leaders had given her a dose of their own venom. Telling her to be careful of what she said in case she set off a trigger.

Nothing- not the near death experiences I'd been through nor the abuse from President Snow- felt worse than this.


	3. 3 - Always

**A/N: To be honest I was a little sad to only have one review, but maybe I'll get more as I post more? But thank you sooo uch to Ojsmybestfriend. That review made me smile a lot, and I promise that I'll reply when the site let's me. It apparently take 24 hours before a user can submit a PM. But,without further stalling, here's the third chapter! I'll post the fourth when I get at least 4 reviews (:**

As I pass the desolate streets, the only people greeting me are the one's long gone. My family, maybe, watch me as I travel the charred streets, or perhaps Madge, the mayor's daughter. Or maybe none of them cared anymore.

It was, after all, my fault that they were dead.

Maybe if I hadn't agreed with Katniss' suicide scheme and just shoved the Nightlock in my mouth, everything would have been easier. If not for Katniss, then surely for all of the people who were now nothing but remains of a District that once was, and forgotten memories. There weren't even tombstones in the Meadow. All of these families, buried and lost, go unrecognized without so much as a name. Surely _some _survivor could put a title on a half-decayed face, right?

Dismissing the thought, I continued down the streets of the poverty line that separated the Seam from the Merchant. It was a narrow, dusty road that, on one side, held low-key medicinal shops and an apothecary. On the other, bakeries, clothing stores, and a barber shop lined the sidewalk. I literal line that drew the difference between the wealthy and the poor. Luckily, I'd been on the richer side.

I didn't quite know of the struggles that the Seam faced before the Reaping, either. And even now, I don't know much. The only information I had was what I'd seen with my own eyes, and what Katniss had vented about to me. I wish she'd still do that. I liked hearing about all of her problems. I liked trying to help her mend them. Or if it was a wound from her past, I liked to hold her with her head o my chest and my fingers tracing patterns n her arm. I think she enjoyed it too. It was our way of bonding on those stressful nights that we shared while on the train. Not to mention us sleeping together, with my arms forming a barrier between anything that tried to hurt her.

Nostalgia. Sweet, sweet nostalgia.

After that, I decided to go home. The medicine the doctor had given me seemed to work very well, and I hadn't had a fit in a week. I decided that, tonight, I'd go over to see Katniss and tell her how great I felt. Maybe if she thought that I was 'stable' she'd treat me normally again.

Or, I guess, maybe she wouldn't.

In about 15 minutes, I found myself getting into the shower to prepare for our meeting. It didn't feel right to call it a date, since it was still a surprise to her. But I'd decided to bring her some Tiger Lillies (which I found out she liked because of my cupcakes) and to dress fairly nicely. So other than the fact that Katniss was completely oblivious, this was by all means a date.

After hopping out of the shower and drying off, I got dressed into a pale blue button-up shirt with some black slacks. I quickly hurried to Katniss' door, flowers in hand.

This time, I only had to knock once.

"Peeta!" She exclaimed. Her face seemed tired, and the darkness under her eyes said that she hadn't been sleeping. And was I crazy, or did her eyes seem puffy?

"Uh- hey there, Katniss," I smiled. "I haven't had a fit in a week. The doctor says I might be done with them."

"That's... That's great," she replied, hugging me. "So I don't have to pretend anymore?"

"You never had to. But no, you don't," I answered her. She could tell that I knew from last time.

"So, are you gonna tell me what's wrong or do I have to ask?" I prodded.

Then, Katniss completely broke down. She grabbed my shirt with her hands in fists and started crying against my chest. Unsure of what t do, I rested my hand o the back of her head and began slowly stroking her hair.

"Shhhh... Katniss... It's okay," I whispered, in an attempt at comforting her. It didn't work.

"Peeta you don't get it!" She yelled, startling me, "Today is P-Prim's birthd-" Her voice faltered and she didn't get to finish her sentence, but I could figure it out.

"Oh- Katniss, hey, come here," I cooed, "it's going to be okay. I'm here for you."

I slowly moved us from the doorway to her couch and sat down. Her head still lay across my torso, and one of my hands continued petting her hair while the other rubbed her back in circles that sometimes transformed into lines before going back to circles.

"She- she... Peeta, she was just too young. I'd done so much to protect her, and I let her die."

"Katniss, don't say that. Please. Don't believe that even for a second. You had absolutely no idea about the bombs... And even if you knew, it wouldn't be your fault. It was just fate, and there's nothing we can do to change that. Besides, don't you think Prim would want you to be happy on her birthday?"

She nodded before a fresh stream of tears fell down her face.

The night settled in pretty quickly, and we were in the same position as before. Katniss had stopped crying and fallen asleep about an hour ago, and I gently got up to leave.

"Peeta," she muttered, hardly awake, "Please don't go. Stay with me."

I went back to the couch and crouched down, so that my face was right next to hers. Closing my eye, I planted a soft kiss on her forehead, as well as between her eye brows.

"Always." I mumbled after her. "But you need to get to your bed." She nodded, agreeing with me, but made no move to get up. I soon found myself carrying Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire, upstairs to her bedroom.

And I, for one, couldn't have been any happier.

I lay her down carefully in her bed, and pulled the covers up to her stomach. She quickly fell back to sleep after I picked her up, and probably didn't even notice that I'd put her in her room. I felt like I was, in some way, taking advantage of her. Comforting her while she cried, but still feeling satisfied about it.

But a promise was a promise, and I crawled into bed with her, positioning one arm under her neck as a pillow so her head could rest on my chest, while the other wrapped around her small frame.

_Here is the place where I love you. _


	4. 4 - Good Night's Sleep

The next morning, Katniss woke up first. I guess she was used to getting out of bed at the crack of dawn to hunt, but I for one, was not. Luckily she didn't make too much noise as she wriggled out of my arms and lay very still beside me. Before I could open my eyes to look at her, her hand immediately found my face and began stroking my temple. Her tiny fingers found their way to my jaw next, then my chin, then back to my other temple. It had been a long time since anyone had actually shown me affection, and it felt really good.

My eyes slowly opened to meet her grey ones. A smile was on her face, and she inhaled before speaking.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," she whispered.

Okay, where had the old Katniss gone? Someone seemed to have misplaced her with this bright, bubbly, apologetic look-a-like. It actually sort of scared me.

"No, no, it's fine. It'll be good for me to get up, anyway," I responded, waving my hand in dismissal. She just smiled before pushing a little hair off of my forehead. I never quite understood why she did this so often, but I never asked because, well, I didn't hate it. In return I reached my hand out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I missed this," I said, thinking aloud. My statement was met with only silence, and I wasn't sure she had heard me until she too spoke.

"Me too. I haven't slept that well in weeks," she admitted with a quiet sigh.

"Yeah, me neither. The nightmares visit me every time I close my eyes. But last night, it was quiet. I feel very... Rested," I told her. This time, I wasn't waiting on a reply. We both knew that our nights were practically identical. We alternated between seeing the people we killed, and dying ourselves.

They say that once you become a victor, everything is over. No more Games.

But that was definitely a lie.

I glanced back over to Katniss, only to find that she had fallen asleep again. So, instead of forcing her up, I pulled the blankets up to her waist and lay back down.

I'm not one to refuse a good night's sleep.


End file.
